My friend told me one day that i always jumped into conclusion when something i didn't like happened. I used to relate everything with everything and draw conclusion which was the never ending spiral kind of events that one thing lead to another and another and another to the situation at hand.It was that feeling of insecurity if you know what i mean that i counted myself as a victim of situation and time and every conclusion i made was based on these strings of events in my life.
My past life and experience has not been so good in keeping relationships, especially with guys (boyfriends to be specific) because coming from abusive, non functional relationship destroyed what i saw in men. I used to think men where taking my relationship and openness with them for granted, that they were alike and knew what i had went through.... it got ugly.
Thanks to this one Man who once told me, "you are very sweet girl, i love you, but your judgmental attitude is a really turn off for me and i am going to leave you for that. I cannot handle it. If you are not going to change it, no man will ever want to put up with this no matter how good you are" And even after he said this, i ended up blaming him for being insensitive and self centered... and yeah... he left me... for real!
It took me years to realize what i was doing to myself. I used to see problems in others, and not a piece of my doings in the particular problem and ended up shifting blame and jump into conclusions about other people's doing even though i contributed 80% of the problem. I wanted to change that so much, not to please anybody, but just for myself. I started small, by realizing that if there is more than one person in a particular action there must be some kind of shared responsibility when the same action ends up into a problem. I asked friends to give me small pinch (when i am close) if i was being judgmental just to remind myself where i stood. I also started by recognizing when i was being judgmental and correcting what i was saying if i had already saying anything judgmental.
I posted on my walls (in the house of course) the importance of taking responsibility and seeing positive side on people, trying to see things differently and understand that my past experience has nothing to do with my future... the past has to be where it is and it is my past which made me who i am today.
Thanks to this one particular man because it changed a lot how i viewed things. I am not saying that i am good than anybody, but i am sure i am better than i was yesterday. This alone is a battle, almost won, but until then, i am hanging on there... knowing that i tomorrow i will be better than today, as i am still learning and grow!
My past life and experience has not been so good in keeping relationships, especially with guys (boyfriends to be specific) because coming from abusive, non functional relationship destroyed what i saw in men. I used to think men where taking my relationship and openness with them for granted, that they were alike and knew what i had went through.... it got ugly.
Thanks to this one Man who once told me, "you are very sweet girl, i love you, but your judgmental attitude is a really turn off for me and i am going to leave you for that. I cannot handle it. If you are not going to change it, no man will ever want to put up with this no matter how good you are" And even after he said this, i ended up blaming him for being insensitive and self centered... and yeah... he left me... for real!
It took me years to realize what i was doing to myself. I used to see problems in others, and not a piece of my doings in the particular problem and ended up shifting blame and jump into conclusions about other people's doing even though i contributed 80% of the problem. I wanted to change that so much, not to please anybody, but just for myself. I started small, by realizing that if there is more than one person in a particular action there must be some kind of shared responsibility when the same action ends up into a problem. I asked friends to give me small pinch (when i am close) if i was being judgmental just to remind myself where i stood. I also started by recognizing when i was being judgmental and correcting what i was saying if i had already saying anything judgmental.
I posted on my walls (in the house of course) the importance of taking responsibility and seeing positive side on people, trying to see things differently and understand that my past experience has nothing to do with my future... the past has to be where it is and it is my past which made me who i am today.
Thanks to this one particular man because it changed a lot how i viewed things. I am not saying that i am good than anybody, but i am sure i am better than i was yesterday. This alone is a battle, almost won, but until then, i am hanging on there... knowing that i tomorrow i will be better than today, as i am still learning and grow!
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