We love you together.. We just don't know how to love you separately!

A friend of mine who i will call Hanna  is going through a very bad divorce right now. Her husband of twelve years have been cheating with this new girl who moved in the street among many others. For nearly four years i have witnessed Hanna, going through  the worst, from anxiety, to mental break down, all in the name of marriage and love. She is one of the strongest women i know, because the shit that her husband pulls up, is just sick! And she took all of them in, while protecting her children from all these, trying to paint this perfect, loving dad. I salute her for this!

Last night she called me. She was hysterical, crying  and throwing fists. She said for once she cannot take it any more and she wants to leave. If we were living in one of those western countries (at least from what i see in the movies) she would have asked her husband to leave.  But instead, when she confronted her husband about the expenses in their account which   was used to buy a new car which apparently did not reach their house, the husband asked her to pack and leave if she cannot  keep her mouth shut. He even threw in few F word, and W word and that made her sick to the stomach. She packed her bags and make a call so that i could pick her up!

What made my eyes tear up was what her eight years daughter said. She asked where she was going and for the first time she threw the "wisdom" off the window and blow it right in front of her baby that her father was an A***le and that she was leaving him. It was night so she told them that they would stay in my house for a while   and she would take  them   once she settles down. What she said next  blew my mind and melted my soul... "Mom, Please do not go! We love you together, We just don't know how to love you separately" And there it was... in front of my eyes, i  saw the reason why Hanna never left that loveless marriage all those years. It was not about Money, or fame, but because she did not know how to explain to their children how they would live without them together! It was a heart breaking scene.

As for Hanna, she had a friend she could call and make arrangements for her children. She had a means to support herself until she settles down. I have known many other women who do not have this kind of arrangement. Because the nature of their marriage itself excludes them from building these social assets.. friend network, people you can run to. So they  keep them in until they are dead. I  am not saying that all marriage are taking this path, but i am representing more than 45% of women in Tanzania who faces violence everyday.

Here is the question you may need to ask yourself today. Are you experiencing violence, do you have a network of friends, family and allies whom you may turn to. How do you view violence against women? Are you a supporting friend or  family whom others may turn to should they face difficulties?