Financial Crisis- How Single Mothers Experience it!

I know you have heard about this a thousands times, that you need to have multiple sources of income to sustain your life. Salary alone is not enough. And here is the list of my monthly needs, rent, school fees, fuel, food, electricity, water, car maintenance, house help, TV cable, medical bills (thank lord i have an insurance cover)sanitary pads, lotions, hair maintenance (just kidding, i am bald) etc etc etc. I have been using the same mattress for the last eight years (good lord my back is killing me!) and my refrigerator sounds like a broken milling machine,  my sofas are at least 13 years old, the last time i had a pair of new shoes... only lord knows, and a new dress, (i dont even remember if people wear these kind of clothes anymore and the list goes on! We do have Christmas, and Easter and birthdays and christening here, which means new clothes, nice food (and by nice it means all unhealthy food which are very expensive in this part)  How much do i earn per month, you will be amazed that we even round up a month before we starve ourselves to death.

This is the reality of many single mothers who are alone with no support from the father of their children. ( if they are alive) The "money problem" is choking them to death and it is amazing that you will still see many of them out there smiling and have their hair combed and well maintained and shoes clean and their handbags gracefully dangling on their shoulders, and walk their heads high as if everything is okay. In fact, most of them are scared to death. they are not sure what is next in their plates say the minute their children get sick (most of them do not have health insurance) or someone back at their village has died. It is an endless battle of worries and providing comfort and assurance to their children on their own.

Unfortunately, there are no known support system (at least here) for these women in terms of coming together and share what they have. It is surprising that they are still sane. Seriously, they need a lifetime psychotherapy for them to be able to continue. No wonder most of these women are found in churches where they seek hope (and sometimes husbands) or in bars where they try to numb the pain of their lives by alcohol. 

If you look around, you will see many of them. Look deep in their eyes, there is something there, something that cannot be explained. Something  sad and angry, yet victorious. they may be beaten, but they are not broken. At least most of those i know! They are true Heros of today! Salute to all singe mothers out there!

Being a Woman Single Parent! A choice or Coincidence- Do You deal with the same stuff differently?

I know some people are going to shoot me right now  just saying "Single Parent" instead of Independent Parent. I understand the sentiment the words bring, but anyway, lets go with the known one for now--Single Parent.

The questions remain, is there a difference in  a way women single parents raise their children when it comes to whether being single parent was a matter of choice or coincidence? I do not have answers myself, but i am a single parent on both situation. From a failed relationship and by choice.

If you look the two closely, there is a  difference in feeling when raising the children as a single parent, either by choice or coincidence. One thing i want to put straight is that in most people, (at least those i talked to) admit that one thing that does not change is their love for their children. Being single by choice or coincidence has nothing to do with how you love and treat  your children. Although the feeling is not the same.

Here are some of  the things that were said
Being single by choice: Single within the meaning itself! ( and when the father is not on the picture)
1. You have entire you and yourself to decide the welfare of the child without any reservation  especially when the father is not in the picture. You decide which schools they go, when  and where to move, which religion they will follow etc.
2. No probabilities: When something is decided, it becomes it! No changes of plans, no expectations, nothing. It is just you and your baby. There are no probabilities like... well, is he going to contribute   school fees, will he visit, will he buy this year's Christmas gift?  
3.You have total control  and say on how you raise your child; nobody questions, no double instructions, nothing. It is just you.
4.You make sure you become a good example: Well.... let me not say much about this. My good example can be different from yours, and who cares as long as they are within the law and takes into account the welfare of your baby?
5.You feel free!

I will write about being single by coincidence either as a result of bad relationship, divorce or death. In the meantime, let me know what you think by commenting! i will be glad to read

Are Women Really Dependent? Their Income Vs Their Cost of Living

I have been watching this very closely lately. A friend of a friend of a friend (still i know her, or should i say we know each other) is employed in a telecommunication company. She is a single mother of 3 years beautiful girl. Her job is not a managerial kind of high paying one, but rather a service one, where a pay may range from Tsh 500,000 to 700,000 per months. To my knowledge, she does not own any business or shares in any company. Her job is the only source of income. (like sooo may people)

Recently, she started driving a  very expensive Porsche car. She also moved to one of these classy neighborhood (She used to live in one of those shabby unplanned streets in Dar) and her daughter goes to a very good private school (Which uses foreign curriculum). I  met her when she was picking her daughter from extra school activity - swimming lesson. She looked different, very different. The clothes, and shoes, and perfume she wore was expensive, like designer. Instantly, i felt a mixture of confusion and a little jealous, but it just passed anyway (don't we sometimes)!  

She told me that she still work for the same company. I suddenly started summing up her salary  and minus school fees, rent, fuel, food, clothes, etc etc etc, only to find overspend of 4 times her salary per month. As we were talking she volunteered  the information that she is  got a new "boyfriend"- a rich politician in the country. And this is the reality of many women and girls nowadays.

The question remain, how much dependency is independent and what are the parameters in defining independent self sufficient woman. I do not mean to compare or undermine, but  most women (frankly speaking i do not have statistics)  who claim to be independent are not independent at all. There are some level of compromise when it comes to independence where women depend on gifts from boyfriends to cover for the uncovered budget (if they do have a budget at all)in their expenditure.

This does not only pose the insecurity challenge  on women, but it leaves women desperate when these favors end. Being accustomed to a high lifestyle without an investment for the future is a great risk. For those who have this setting, here is my little piece of advice, please make sure you are investing with the money while you can. They never last forever. I have seen many people, including my best friends who went back to renting one room apartment in a crappy neighborhood and go back into daladala and eating once in a day and sell their smartest beautiful clothes because the arrangement stopped and  they had nowhere to go back to. They became desperate and depressed at the same time and they lost their friends. Trust me i have seen many of them.

Unfortunately, this is reality of many young women and again, unfortunately, this we kind of have a twisted way of talking about it. It is the painfully reality. Again most of these men are married old men who have squandered their young age and they are  paying you to use yours. 

I am Back Again.... What is going to Happen Next!!!

Here i am!  I kind of abandoned this space for a while to try and find myself,  (who am i kidding, I didn't have time.) But i just came back because i think there is a meaning in this and i want to share it out there.  And i am going to tell you what i am planning and what i will be doing with this space.But before i start... full disclosure... English is not my first Language, so please read the content understand the context and comment if you wish. My grammar may be bad, but there is a meaning in what i communicate....So here are the few things that i will be looking at

1. Small stories: Lets call them Dar es Salaam Delights. We will look at the lifestyles and what is happening around and what does that mean. I will be gratefully if you could leave the comments here or at our  facebook page.

2. Health tips around the web: You may tell us what you think, whether they are helpful or not, whether you want to try them or not. anything! (i am not the health specialist, or nutritional expert, or doctor or anything of that  nature, all information are entirely third part information)

3. Politics: If at all we will be able to discuss them: You know, we kind of have something new in politics everyday from our newly elected President Magufuli and its cabinet. (By the way i am Tanzanian)

4. Travels: Well... not entirely travel, like safari or something, but travel within Tanzania generally, i will base in Dar and i will write articles that those who are in Dar can relate with. and those who wish to visit can use!

5. Independent (single)  Parenting: This is  big one: I am single, independent parent of three and i have a lot to share. i have 10 years experience on this and i  have learned a lot. It may not be perfect but i will share with you what my learning and others are.

6. Anything at all!

Sit back and  enjoy!